It's 4:45AM. I've been up the last 2 hours. Make that 3. It was such a weird night for me. I just needed to shut off early. My hormones have been all over the place the last few days. Pisces season... And pregnancy LOL. But really. I have been battling negative thoughts. Blaming myself...and others... for things of the past. I desire to be more at peace with choices I've made that have led me here. To the feelings and thoughts and circumstances I am currently experiencing. It's so easy to want to point a finger and say "it's their fault". But is it really? Didn't we agree or say yes in some way? Maybe the circumstances made it feel like we were pressured or forced. But it was we who didn't say no. Or stand up for our truth. Maybe because we didn't know our truth at the time. We didn't know what would be best aligned for the future. It's not that there's a "fault" We made a choice. We have to stop judging it and allow ourselves to be at peace with the specific choice and tap into the power to change it by making an intention on what we would actually like to create as of now. Once we pinpoint how that choice is effecting your reality today, we can come up with new choices that would be need to be made to achieve the desired outcome that we want. Maybe we need to learn more about a subject, or put ourselves in the right environment. Get out of our head and move into body. And most importantly be real with where we are at. Come at it with love and grace. We have to remind ourselves we are doing the best we can with the awareness we are at. Want more awareness? Make it an intention. You'll be surprised at the tools that show up almost like magic to find and gain more awareness and clarity about your journey. It's hard to face these challenges alone. Sometimes it's having the right person to talk to, teacher, or mentor to learn new skills and techniques. Sometimes it's more solitude and stepping away from the outside. Finding your perfect balance and ways will be unique to you. You can sit with it and feel what is it your soul truly needs right now. What is your heart longing to create and how can you physically mentally and emotionally do it in a way that excites you?
Some thoughts to ponder as I will drift back into a sleep. I know I need more rest these days. It's hard to balance it all with a toddler and husband at home most of the time to take care of. Learning ways to still take care of me and my mental health meanwhile being immeshed in others energy and space almost 24/7. It's part of being a family. I chose that. And I love that. The polarities of life show us negatives sometimes and that's how we learn. It's really a beautiful thing. If we can see it that way.
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